Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Time Passes Gently Onward

The path winds long behind us,
Bound memories unfurl.
Shared visions for the future
Helped to create our worlds.

A distant calling binds us,
A promise to begin.
Unspoken admiration
Resonates on the wind.

Enraptured by the shadow
Of yesteryears gone by.
Nostalgia sweet as honey
Ignites us each inside.

Bright flickers of remembrance,
Draw spirit back to life.
Echoes of soft innocence
Mirrored in wise eyes.

However brief the moment
Of honest mirth and bliss
It stokes the inner fire,
Life's breath a searing kiss.

Shared moments at a crossroad
And then our separate ways.
Kinships soon forgotten
Adrift upon life's waves.

Time passes gently onward,
Until we meet again,
Remember that I love you
And I will see you then.

May it not be so long that we stay apart from those that are important in our lives. Life is far too fickle for that.

Kimba

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

NEW YEAR'S TEARS

The passing of another year
Heralded by our wretched tears.
Deep below a sea of green
Mother Earth released a scream.
Hear me, Children!
Feel me quake!
Undo all the mischief made.

Rivers swell with pain and grief
Frightening beauty, sadly brief.
Banks are breached and waters surge.
Nature’s wrath sees sins are purged.
Hear me, Children!
Know my pain!
Wake and see the things I change.

Storm clouds gather across the sky,
Circling wrath around an eye.
Raging against the shores of man,
Cleansing torrents scour the land.
Hear me, Children!
See me weep!
Over promises you did not keep.

The passing of another year
Heralded by our wretched tears.
Will we hear her and change our ways?
Or will we deny her and walk away?
Hear me, Children!
Do not delay!
The gifts I’ve given can be ripped away.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

A Painful Path

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,

and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay

in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I--I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference.
~Robert Frost

I have always loved this poem. It was one of the first I ever read or studied in school. It stuck with me, poignant to its very core. Suppositions have been made over the years as to the meaning behind the verse. It’s really not as simple as it appears – that one should take the road less travelled because it is less travelled. Frost tells us that at a decision making point we must choose and in the choosing be committed to that choice. “Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.” When we come to a fork in the road of life we have three simple options. Go one way. Go the other way. Stay put. Almost every choice, every path, has a price and we have to weigh the options, consider the costs and be very certain we are willing to pay whatever price may exist down the road we choose because far oft than not, there is no going back. Each choice generally leads us to another which leads us to another until the initial path is so far behind that getting back would be near impossible.

So what brought me to this musing point today? Anger. I’d almost say rage although over the years I’d like to think that I’ve mastered the control points in my life enough to avoid feeling true rage. Recently I feel as though my limits have been tested, tested and tested again. I’ve been struggling with multiple situations that strike such deep chords in me that I’m finding myself creeping back toward an anger, a rage, that I’d left far behind on one of my old paths. It’s a feeling that screams for action, for something to be done to correct the injustices metted out on those I love. The feelings of helplessness snapping tight around me, binding me like a prisoner being forced to watch the emotional execution of someone they love, are excruciating.

I often say that you have to bleed to know you are alive. I have always believed this is true both emotionally and spiritually.

The sweetest flower that ever bloomed
grows far deep inside a bush of thorns.
And happiness then is like the rose,
for without pain nothing good is born.

We suffer the pain of losing loved ones, of watching our children grow through the pains of life, of having our hearts broken in the name of love… So many things that we bleed through to learn and grow. An acquaintance of mine once quoted this to me: When a child has a growth spurt it can be painful. When an adult has a growth spurt… it is excruciating. Isn’t that the truth!

My family has been going through many trials these recent days. Some of the growing and learning has dredged up old wounds, regrets and bitterness. I had thought that most of those pains had been buried, long ago, in the dirt of a path overgrown by weeds and life that has come since then. In fact it had been. Honestly, I believed, at least until recently, that I was the product of a horrible, irrational, surreal series of events and personalities that created a nightmare, personal and unique unto myself. I was wrong.

Recenlty I came to the realization that the hurt, pain and events that I had assumed to be so unique are far more common then I had originally thought them to be. I struggled for years trying to understand my part in a series of relationships that left me exhausted, ripped open and struggling for a breath of wisdom. Finally, in a culmination of frustyration, love, pity and exhaustion, I chose to walk away; to close the door on the painful pieces of my life - no matter how much I loved those I left behind. In the process, I left a huge piece of my heart splattered on the rails of the roller coaster I was exiting; dripping love and loss. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done… giving up. In hindsight, I didn't really give up. I simply walked away to heal and grow. Yet another growth spurt.

I understand that pain. I hate that pain despite the amazing benefits that come from growing. I hate the helplessness I feel in watching the people I love struggle blindly in the glaring light of truth as events play out the true nature of one's spirit under duress. We often display our most secret selfish qualities when struggling for breath under scrutiny. It's an odd paradox that often when we need most to be honest and accept responsibility for our actions and their effects on others, that we as humans tend to exert an extraordinary amount of effort to deny our part in escalating circumstances and and avoid accountability for our actions. If we were to spend even half of that energy to find the fortitude and wisdom to simply accept our individual roles in a situation and then move forward fresh from a point, so much damage could be avoided in our lives. Sadly, most of us do not have the vision to see that until it's often too late.

I guess it is an unrealistic desire, to fix the pain and circumstances, but I think that part of love is the almost feral instinct to protect. I wish I could protect my family from the pain. The most I can do is be here and understand – offer an ear or a shoulder – and in as much as that’s not satisfactory to me, it’s all I have the ability to give outwardly. Inwardly though, I have my anger, my bordering rage at an injustice served upon people I love. And I have my beliefs. That we each reap the benefits and suffer the consequences of that which we sow in life. That those who through selfish motivations cause these great pains will be judged when the time comes. That we must bleed to grow. That rainbows are borne of storm clouds. And most importantly, as Mother Theresa so profoundly pointed out, you have to do what is right in your heart not what others believe you should do ~ “You see, in the final analysis, it’s between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway . . .”

Much love ~ Kimberly K.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Banished

Disjointed meanderings tap our innermost disquiet.
Seething fury released to boil to the surface,
Tainting the façade.

Peace shatters, replaced with a tangled mass.
Tenacious emotions of obscured confusion
Escalate the irrelevant.

Fears amass feeding upon unfounded insecurities.
Faithless thoughts swarm unabashedly,
Swallowing reason.

Silence chokes the aftermath of raging emotions.
Clarity drips brazen enlightenment birthing
Cathartic reckoning.

Tears relinquish possession of thwarted rage.
Inner strength swells softly repairing
Heartfelt accord.